As a parent, worrying about your kids is naturally a healthy dose of your day-to-day life even when they are over 18. Research has it that parents worry more about their adult kids than they do the young ones, this is because you feel more in control carrying them on your laps than you would carrying them in your head. Every parent wants the best for their children, the more reason your worries motivate the limits you set to ensure your child’s safety.
Nevertheless, too much worry doesn’t really make sense. You cannot foresee a child’s future in jeopardy simply because they were unmotivated over certain school activities. Today’s problem can never be a preview of the next decade of their lives and this is probably your over protecting self-getting laterally negative and destructive.
Turning 18 and officially registering in the adult bracket may be a big deal for your children, but unknown to them it’s the beginning of constant insomnia and anxiety on you as a parent. When a child turns 18 they get an over-sensing urge of freedom and independence, now that is the beginning of a mother’s dilemma. While you would want to see them as young adults, and grant them space, the truth is that they are still so much attached and dependent of on you. This probably is your reason for holding tight while in disguise of offering the much-needed parental guidance.
Being a parent to an 18-year old is like literally living on the edge, while you would want to completely be oblivious of their routine activities you wouldn’t stop worrying about either missing out on something or appearing unconcerned. On the other hand, you are missing the lost times, at some point you were best friends and could talk about everything, dinner time was a catching up moment for you two, then all over sudden secrecy creepy in , and you no longer have control over what they wear or what they do.
In recent times most number of adults still resides home despite earning decent income, you would want to think they hardly inquire enough to grant them independence but no, they are trapped under their insecure parent’s wings. Parents fear separation mostly from their children, leaving home to them feels like starting all over again which is not the case instead it’s you and your constant refusal to accept and relish the moment.
Deciding to constantly stay in your child’s space even when he/she is over 18 is clear evidence of you denying them an opportunity to grow up and learn to fix things on their own. Yes, you made decisions for them much earlier but it’s about time you acknowledged the mature mindset they have and trust in your parental skills. Do not wait for the red alert of ‘I know what I want and can do it myself.’ Learn to watch in silence and listen more than you speak and you will certainly know when either your attention or help is needed.
Instead of living in total anxiety and worry of them, why don’t you believe in your parental potential and concentrate on the things they still expect from you even in their adult life. Things like:
Having lived longer than them, you are in a better position to understand that the world is cruel and some personal decisions may end up not sitting right with everyone. You also understand that friends may turn out not to be the people we thought they are. It is one thing to teach them this but it’s another to stand in the gap for them. Accept that they are old enough to make their decisions, but also assure them of your undisputed credibility.
In their adult state, be cognizant of the fact that no man is an island and no matter the good upbringing they would still do with your advice once in a while. Be as approachable as possible, so they wouldn’t second guess running to you when need be. This will also help you feel closer to them as they find you an important part of their decision-making.
A parent’s love has no age limit, they shouldn’t lose it because they are old enough to fend for themselves and love is certainly not based on feelings alone. Love is more of the actions, and choices we make in life. They may have done some things that didn’t seem right to you but your love shouldn’t stop with their mistakes. Separate their mistakes from your love for them and foster their adult life.
Life is a therapeutic journey worthy of a good masseuse. Be more of a friend than a parent to them, and they will undoubtedly allow you into their inner world. Being in their personal space would mean walking the journey of life together through your guidance. You should be the shoulder they will always lean on.
It is one thing being able to offer guidance but it’s a totally different thing impacting wisdom in them. Help then preserve the future by brushing through your life experience with them even though they are over 18, the good and bad ordeals plus the lessons learned. Attach reasons to every decision you make and allow them to view life from your own perspective; this will definitely shape their future decisions.
Be physically present in their lives, not so much that you chock them with it but mild enough to warrant recognition. At some point they will transition in to a parent which is a totally new milestone for them. Being present means clearing their doubts and building their confidence through this new journey. Offer the needed assistance while clearly enjoying the fruits of your labor.
It is normal to worry about your child because you are a mother and despite having outgrown your lap, they can never outgrow your heart. But while at it, allow room for change and mistakes because we thrive from change and learn better from experience. Making a mistake does not mean you failed in your duties, forgo the societal pressure and live at the moment. When you feel so engraved in it, remember you were once there but turned out alright.
Parents of over 18 s, do you still worry about them or you are relieved that they are all grown now? Talk to us …