Parenting is a beautiful and challenging journey for any parent. Parenting involves striking a delicate balance of raising kids with integrity and also preparing them to face the real world. Setting limits and reinforcing good behavior should start when the kids are young. Toddlers are at the age when they begin to experience emotions like pride, embarrassment, and guilt. Toddlers want what they want, the way they want it when they want it. At around the age of 2 years, toddlers discover the magical power behind the short word “No.” The formerly sweet and compliant toddler now seems strongly determined to resist any of your suggestions. You end up being a frustrated parent and wondering what happened to your angel. Relax, you are not alone. All you need to do is understand what is happening to the toddler’s development.
Why Do Toddlers Say “No”?
A recent study shows that 2 to 3-year-old toddlers argue an average of 25 times an hour! Looking at those figures is just nerve-wracking! However, there is always a brighter side of any showdown. Toddlers at this age are realizing that they can assert themselves, and by arguing with you, they gain confidence. Saying “No” is a usual way for a toddler to feel that he has some control over the big mysterious world around him. All the same, constant conflicts are a headache and hard to solve. Letting the kids have their way sets a lousy precedent while forcing them to do what you want makes them feel helpless and become more defiant. When the time comes and “No” becomes your kid’s favorite response, use the following positive approaches to get through the no- phase.
Use Open-Ended Questions
Instead of asking your child a question with a yes or no answer, ask him questions that give them controlled choices whenever possible. Allowing them to choose denies them the opportunity for them to say no. Having to decide for themselves also makes them feel that they are in power, which they so much long to have. For example, if its time of taking a fruit, instead of asking them, would you like to have an apple: ask them would like to have an apple or a banana? However, limit the choices to 2 options, both of which you are comfortable with.
Lead By Example
In most cases, toddlers learn from the people around them. When dealing with a toddler, minimize the number of times you use the word no within the household. The more you use positive language, the more the chances of your child echoing the positivity. Tell the toddler what to do instead of what you don’t want him to do. Instead of telling your child, we can’t go to the mall because you have not finished your lunch, tell him, finish up your lunch so that we go to the mall. The tone you also use matters. Learn to use a calm but firm voice. Try as much as possible to say no without necessarily using the words “No.”
Give Reasons For Your Requests
Kids are less likely to put up a fight if you make them understand why they can’t get their way. Patiently explain to them what you need them to do, and the reason behind it is for their benefit. If, for example, your kid says no to washing hands, let him know that you understand that he doesn’t want to but, if he doesn’t wash his hands, he is likely to get sick.
Reward Yes Behavior
It is rare to get the greatly sought “yes” from a toddler during the “No” phase. When occasionally the toddler responds with a yes, praise them. Children feel a sense of satisfaction when applauded. Rewarding “yes” will encourage the child to develop a positive language. The rewarding will also make the toddler feel that he is not always being reprimanded.
Give Them Heads Up
In most instances, parents often transition their children to fit into their routine. The unexpected transition triggers the toddlers to react negatively. Preparing the toddler in advance on what is about to come will reduce the sudden meltdowns. For example, if you want him to have his meal and he is busy playing with the toys, you can tell the toddler that you will be putting away the toys in ten minutes so that he enjoys his favorite lunch. By when the time limit is over, he shall have processed the information and is less likely to throw tantrums. To ease negativity, you can even use a timer, and once the alarm goes off, the blame will be on the clock.
Don’t Give In
It easy to give in to your child’s demands, especially when he throws the tantrums in public. For example, if you had visited a mall and he clings to one of the toys and your attempts to have him put it back meets with endless “no’s!” it is tempting to pay for it to avoid embarrassment, especially if you can afford it. However, once you give in, the toddler will interpret it that tantrums will always get him what he wants. This notion will keep haunting you. To tame this, get him away from the public eye and let him cool off. If it becomes too difficult, you may have to choose to leave.
Parting Shot
As much as the “No” stage of your child is frustrating, it is a normal milestone in your child’s development journey. As the toddler gathers more confidence to express himself, he will soon discover the power in saying yes. As your child grows into an adult, you’ll want him to be in a position to say “no” when in situations that might land him into trouble. Whenever faced with the defiance word “No,” remember there is absolutely nothing wrong with your toddler or your parenting skills. Release that sigh of frustration, stay calm, and be assured that that phase will pass. The word “No” will fade out as he grows and gains more control over the world.
Have you experienced this stage moms? Share your thoughts and experiences so moms out here can know they are not alone.