Parenting is the world’s most complex and demanding job ever. But parenting a child with special needs deserves a medal literally. No amount of talk, therapy or research can ever prepare you for this. When parenting a special needs child various aspects of your parenting are magnified.
Normal things like play dates require more attention, support, diplomacy and patience, its whole new role within the motherhood duties. Parenting a special needs child means your trips to the doctors would probably be more than you do the shopping malls. It is therapy, a rollercoaster of emotion and maybe the heaviest weight your shoulder will ever carry.
Many say a special needs parent is a walking time bomb ready to explode at any minute. Mainly because you are overwhelmed with a lot that you can’t just run away from, its either frustration, anxiety, pessimism or hypersensitivity. It’s exhausting to have a full time job that you can never resign or give up on and yeah this can lead to mental breakdown.
Do special needs parents need mental care, yes they do and more so therapy. With so much more to think about, plan for, manage and worry about, it is much easier than you think to get mentally unstable. Before then, it is paramount that you take very good care of yourself lest you end up in an asylum.
Wondering what this parental self-care looks like, we the Elimuzazi team fills you in on this:
- Get support
No one is perfect and none is a super human as well, we all require help at some point, but you need it more than you actually think you do.
There is no shame in delegating duties or in this case care, find a reliable person who can step into your mummy shoes for a while as you reset.
Also get educational support, you need to be enlightened to fully understand what you are doing and how best to do it. Join community, professional or faith based support groups for special needs kids. Whichever set up is available just make sure you walk this journey with someone who is in cognizant of your plight.
Alongside the company also find a reliable therapist or coach who understands the challenges involved and is ready readily available for impromptu talks or visits. This is important since you will have many fear, anxiety and ranting sessions that may end up in grief. You need a sober and candid being to soothe you during such episodes.
The support group can as well be online based or maybe inform of a book club. As long as it has parents who relate and can offer relief you are good to go.
- Curve in time for self-love
As a special needs parent, you more likely expend tremendous energy on your child. Always trying to make sure they have the same privileges and opportunities as their peers. In the midst of all this you end up forgetting about yourself. This child requires a healthy and sane mother not a zombie walking around in her shadow. Unless you are very discipline about self-care the strain can take a toll on your well-being.
Find ways to relax, recharge, unwind and experience the goodness of life. There is more to life beyond worries and anxiety, besides a more relaxed, balanced and recharged you can give the much-needed love and care that you struggle to offer.
Create a to-do list of your fun activities and check them off one after another, it may not be consequently but do it all the same.
Schedule spa time, read books, take long walks, watch movies, work out as in just unwind it’s healthy for you and your child.
- Make use of the care unit centers
There is a reason why communities have care unit centers. No man is an island, you can’t do it all by yourself. Introduce your child to these centers for quality care, play dates, therapy and a different feel of changed environment. You can’t have peace when your child is throwing unnecessary tantrums up and down. Kids in these centers are taught how to correlate with others and also how to beat their milestones. This is an opportunity for you to step down from countless training and monitor sessions with your child.
Drop the child at the center then go home and rest if possible take a nap, only God knows how much you may be sleep-deprived. Believe that the child is okay and find peace in the fact that they are many and learning together. There is more care and attention in these centers than you probably offers at home so relax.
- Meditate
There is difference between meditating and praying. You probably pray every day but once in a while find time to meditate. Meditation helps you calm down, reinstate you to the present and guide you through letting go of trying to take control of everything. It’s a fast therapy even if done for only 10 minutes, it has a huge impact.
You can get guidance on this through the meditation center or from one of the numerous apps available online.
Download the apps and set your reminder for everyday encouragement. A few minutes off your busy schedule is all you need to regenerate your thoughts, beliefs and fear. It’s important to acknowledge their limitations and find ways to relax, slow down, let go and feel light. Far from being a self-indulgent luxury, your self-care is a critical necessity.
Every one of us is a novice when it comes to parenting and that is because we all have one life to live. None has gone through life more than once so no one is an expert.
Accept that you have a special needs child and that you have to be mentally stable to support the child then work towards making that a smooth journey. Most times we are told that we can’t pour from an empty cup, this is not a competition. Take time and listen to your inner voice and body, when the voice says it’s time to rest, please rest and replenish yourself for the everyday journey which is parenting.