We all grew up amidst too much shouting and yelling from our parents that kind of painted a chaotic picture of parenting styles on our minds. It was easier to view parenting as a never-ending battle between parents and kids. The arguments were endless, if we weren’t arguing about shower time then, it was about chores or maybe curfew, but there was always something to go back and forth about. Despite all this, one thing stood out, whatever our parents did was always done with total love for us and the zeal to help shape our future. In most times we are told time is a healer and indeed it got to prove us wrong and shaped our understanding.
Now we know that it wasn’t war , but the drive to help influence our current state of mind, behavioral habits, personality and emotional development. We grow into whom we are molded into and the molding begins at the initial stages of our lives. Back then, parenting was a societal thing, raising a child was in the hands of every individual within the community unlike the Modern-day society where your child is your sole responsibility. This has got parents sitting up to the multiple facets or parenting and working towards making the best out of it amidst variations. Parenting style is a personal decision of every parent but in the end, they turn out to have many similar strategies, so similar that researchers have grouped them into four common parenting styles.
Authoritarian Parenting
These are the domineering parents, very strict and controlling. They crave obedience and take every parenting rule literally. The saying ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ was clearly cut out for them; they prefer a corporal punishment which is mainly slapping and spanking. Authoritarian parents have strict enforcement rules with no room for talk or negotiations; they always want things done their way without a question or explanation and a child’s feelings or decisions is a non-issue to them. In an authoritarian parent’s life, communication is one way, from the parent to the child. Research has it that children brought up by such parents end up aggressive with low self-esteem, and have issues regulating their emotions. They also lack the zeal to express themselves because they believe their opinions never count or is never needed.
Authoritative Parenting
These are parents who strive in striking the balance; they always want to be in charge but with room for talk. They are assertive but not restrictive or intrusive, always encouraging their kids to speak for themselves. In emotional situations they prefer listening more than speaking to help resonate and empathize with the child. Authoritative parents know what’s best for their kids but still allow room for choice and decision-making. They set rules and explain the reasons, consequences, and repercussions behind their decisions for easy understanding. Authoritative parents always know where to draw the line, they allow lovey-dovey moments with their kids to encourage easy communication, but also know when to say no and have it adhered to. This type of parenting makes it easy for a child to build up his or her confidence and self-esteem. Study shows that children raised by authoritative parents are often happier, disciplined, bold and successful. Authoritative parents invest more time in their children which in return makes them more independent and responsible.
Permissive Parenting
These type of parenting styles are often more responsive than demanding, they come across as to being warm, lenient, and considerable but with no form of confrontation. They are always worried about thwarting a child’s dreams and ambitions that they end up running into confusion. Permissive parents also known as ‘the laissez-faire parents’ tend to offer too much freedom with zero disciplines approach, but still live in the hope of raising disciplined children. They live by the ‘kids will always be kids’ attitude, hoping for change, but never implementing it. They enforce consequences that they never follow through with and it’s normal to see them fall back on their words. It is easier for a child to manipulate a permissive parent because according to them it’s never that serious and besides that’s their little way of showing love. Basically a permissive parent let go easily than any other parent, so their children always have a chance with anything they desire. They see their parents as their best friends because they hardly discourage or caution their bad behaviors. Any child who grows up in such an environment in most cases suffers academically, and lacks respect for authorities.
Uninvolved Parenting
This is a pimped definition of neglect in parenting styles. These types of parents neither offer nor demand anything from their children except absolute freedom. They are the typical parents who often say ‘my child and I hardly spend time together’ they are basically strangers in each other’s life. The uninvolved parents are what the modern society tags as the ‘my money works for me’ parents. They are less inclined, homework and feeding is supervised by their house managers, and what the child does, where, when and with who is the least of their worries. They have a freestyle kind of parenting styles with no many rules that is if there is any in the first place, they believe in providing the basic needs, and any other thing will fall in place. Uninvolved parents never understand how a child would fail exams while they actively pay school fee. Yes, parents can at times be downright neglectful but in most cases it is purely deliberate. What these parents fail to understand is that a dog spoils the name of the owner and money never answers all problems. While you’d sit pretty knowing you provide for the well-being of a child, it’s important to note that behavior, character and self-esteem is built directly and not through a third party.
Sadly, many children raised by uninvolved parents either end up in drugs or in prison. To say the least … Parenting styles is a choice you make cognitively, some would sit pretty into a single parenting style while others would juggle in between. Whatever choice you make, think through it profusely but with your child in the bigger picture. Children learn more from what they see than what they are told, do not wait for the stretch to teenage before striving to be present. Allow me borrow from the Swahili word that says, “Samaki mkunje angali mbichi.” The parenting styles you choose will either make or break your child. Do you read us? Do you find this information helpful? Leave us a comment below so we know we are journeying with you.