If you are a parent to a toddler, you definitely know the real meaning of frustration. You’re probably wondering when your 1, 2, 3, or 4 years old will outgrow the tantrums.
Toddlers are sweet little humans, but they can also get stormy to a point that you almost lose your mind.
Dear parent, if your toddler just turned 2, play closer attention, as you will need this!
When your child starts screaming, whining, crying, kicking, and throwing themselves to the ground, know you just pulled up the tantrums age.
Tantrums involve sudden explosions of anger and frustration at the slightest provocation. It could be because they are hungry, you failed to pick that toy in the supermarket, or you didn’t hand them a snack in time, and many other reasons. It could also be for no reason at all – at least not one that you can think of yet!
Temper tantrums are often characterized by crying, screaming, kicking, stiffening limbs, running around, or simply throwing themselves down. They involve disorganized behavior and aggression.
Tantrums are very common between the ages of 1-3, and are mostly at a peak at age 2 when language skills begin to develop.
While many parents believe that this behavior ends at 3, there are cases where older children still have tantrums. However, tantrums begin to decline over time and usually disappear by age 4.
Why All the Fuss?
Believe it or not, tantrums are a normal part of a child’s development. It is the way your little one expresses their feelings and emotions. It is the way they try to figure out changes in their surroundings.
At the ages of 1-3 the kids are starting to develop their social and emotional skills. Their language too is still developing and they may not yet have words to fully express themselves in some situations. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.
At this age, they are also testing their independence and have learned that how they behave can influence other people’s behavior. They want to be independent. This often leads to power struggles. They want to feed themselves; they want to run across the road without holding your hand. They want to show you they can. And when they actually fail at their attempts this leads to frustration hence the tantrums.
Learning to deal with frustration takes time. So, relax dear parent, your little one is growing up! Before they throw off your sanity, there are few things that you can do to avoid the storm.
Avoid the tantrums
- Identify tantrum triggers
What are the situations that have led to your child’s tantrums in the past? If your child gets impatient when you go out to a restaurant, try to find one that offers quick service. If they threw a tantrum for a toy the last time you went shopping, avoid those rows with the toys or anything that may trigger a tantrum. Offer them food or snacks in time to avoid those ugly scenes you’ve had in the past
- Give control over the small things
Children love to feel in charge. Offer them opportunities to choose or make decisions in some situations and they will love it. For example, let them decide which toy they want to play with. This will help to avoid tantrums and still leave them feeling in control.
- Give them attention
Learn to watch and observe your child whenever you are around them. Reward their positive behavior and this will encourage them to be good.
- Put some things away
As a parent, you already know some of the things which would cause trouble around the house. Keep away the valuable things that you do not want them to destroy. This way there is a less likelihood of a power struggle between you and your toddler.
- Distract your child
One good trait with kids is that they easily forget. Take advantage of this by replacing what they cannot have with something else. If you were fighting over the remote, ask them if they’d want to take a look outside. This will give them a distraction while at the same time refreshing their mind.
- Communicate
Instead of just taking away what you do not want your child to have, talk to them about why they cannot have it. For example, explain what will happen when the remote is broken or when they take ice cream in the cold. You may not be convincing at first but they’ll see you are simply not being malicious.
Besides all this, you can also make this an opportunity to teach your child a new skill. Help them learn to do something properly instead of stopping them from doing it.
How to Handle a Tantrum
Tantrums may be unavoidable at this age, but how you handle them may affect your relationship with your child as well as your psychological well being.
Stay calm when responding to a tantrum. After all, you are the adult, and your child needs to eventually learn how to be calm from you.
How you handle a tantrum varies depending on what it’s about. If they are tired, hungry, or have hurt themselves, it is best to provide comfort and offer food, a snack, or whatever they need to calm them down.
On the other hand, if they are throwing a tantrum to get your attention, to avoid completing a task, it is best to ignore it.
To avoid hurting themselves during a tantrum, take your child to a quiet and safe space to calm down. If there’s a safety issue and your child repeats the same behavior, use a time out or hold them firmly for several minutes and do not give in.
Acknowledge your child’s emotions by talking it out. This helps your child calm down and especially when they understand that you also have strong feelings and are able to remain calm.
Take charge when you need to. Remember, you are still the adult here, and you are dealing with a child. Do not give in to their tantrums when you know they’ll encourage bad behavior. Make the best judgment in all situations. This will eventually help your kid.
Be consistent in your approach. This helps your child learn how you react to different situations. For example, if you do not give them something when they throw a tantrum, stick to that behavior. That way they learn to cope and eventually calm down.
When the storm is all over, do not forget to praise your child for regaining control of their emotions. They need to know that you are still there, actively involved in their life and willing them to be on their best behavior.
Have you gone through this? What was your experience like?