On several occasions, men have been barred from entering the delivery room and for reasons best known to them they too considered the delivery room a no-go zone. This probably is the main reason they hardly have labor and birth tales; they are completely clueless about what goes on in a delivery room. While I would be pushing profusely in the delivery room, my husband would probably be pacing up and down in another room; but I wish my husband knew before coming into the Delivery room some of these things.
What you fail to understand though is that a woman in labor can be very irritable; she needs support and assurance which your presence will effortlessly grant her. In her crucial pushing moment she will probably need someone to hold tight to, aid her breathing through the moans and probably wipe the sweat off her. This is the role of a birth partner who in all aspects should be the husband.
It’s about time men braved up and stepped into the delivery room and created their tales through the experience. It is okay be uncertain about the happenings, but that’s the more reason we are here to prepare you for the big day as you experience your child’s arrival. There are a couple of things that every husband must be in cognizant of before stepping into the delivery room. Here are the things I would want my husband to know before joining me in the delivery room:
- You will witness a side of me that you have never seen before.
Being in labor is more like going through trenches; I will probably display physical, mental, and emotional aspects that you’ve never seen in me before. I would prefer you keep an open mind and be ready to adhere to the demand ill make while in my extraordinary element. It may get overwhelming, but please stick with me as I’m going through a healthy pain that will bring both of us joy. Also be prepared for a post-delivery roll coaster of emotions, it never stops at birth, but rather commences. It will take time before I accept the changes my body is experiencing, be kind enough to remind me often that I’m still your woman regardless. An affirmation helps.
- My birth plan is our birth plan.
I may have chosen the birth plan but at this moment it’s no longer mine but ours. So what I wished was my husband knew before coming into the Delivery room his main objective is to help me advocate and stand by it. Labor and delivery may be traumatizing but I have faith and confidence in the choice I made. But also make sure I do not forget that no matter the outcome, even if things do not go my way the baby still remains ours regardless of the birth method.
It would also do us both good if you can register for the online ‘Supporting her’ classes just to have the know-how of what’s expected of you in the delivery room. You will also be briefed on what to say, and what not to say during labor.
- It may get scary, and there will be blood.
I also wish my husband knew before coming into the Delivery room that one minute I will be all calm and chatty but the next minute, I might be screaming my lungs out. It is due to the contractions, they come in a flash and once they pass I’ll be all good again, so do not panic just be supportive and do what I ask of you at the moment. Also have it in mind that child birth involves shedding of blood, and a lot of it for that matter, so be psychologically prepared for this, it may look gory, but definitely nothing to worry about.
- I may need some time alone.
Labor is a gruesome experience and may at times last for a bit longer than anticipated. During that moment I may not want to have you around, it doesn’t necessarily mean I love you less or that I do not need your support. It simply means I want time alone with my thoughts, and maybe give you a breather from the traumatic experience. But again do not look all astonished when I call you back real quick, something is definitely ordering me around and I’m certainly not myself just live at the moment with me.
- Capture the moments.
There are many picture perfect moments all through labor to delivery, I would love to reminisce on this later on, so please expertise your photography prowess on these moments. Please do not get overwhelmed in the process, take as many pictures as the doctors would allow you to, every moments towards the birth of the baby is precious to me, help me document them. Also do not plan for a photo session moment; the more random they are the better because unplanned photos are often candid. After a tedious labor it would be nice to drool over the memories mostly the very first moments spent with my baby.
- Be cautious with what you eat and drink.
Labor can as well be choosy and commanding, I wouldn’t want you whipping out candy right before me when I cannot even grab a bite. Play safe with your meals and drinks, it is okay to enjoy your delicious meal, but not when I’m pacing up and down in pain. Clearly you do not want me thinking that I am in this alone.
- Let’s keep the delivery room strictly for VIP only.
I know how much you love your mom, and I also know how close you are as a family but may that close-knit bond not extend to my delivery room. Well, I love your family too but I would appreciate some privacy in my vulnerable state and also a moment to openly go through the labor chronicles. The baby and I will also be going through a lot of aftercare post-delivery, these are intimate moments and the lesser the audience, the better for me. I want to go through this experience with you alone.
Obtaining the title mum or dad comes with a lot of goose bumps amidst nostalgic memories, its sweeter experiencing this together, so do me a favor and prepare for the coming of our little bundle of joy the same way I do. Come to the delivery room with me but please come fully armed with knowledge.
Share with us the experiences of fathers, partners and husbands in the delivery room.