I remember when I was in my teenage years; I was so engrossed in becoming a young adult that I became a nightmare to my parents. I would run around with the wrong crowd, smoke and drink alcohol and even come home late. My parents would constantly worry and keep me on toes because I had become rebellious and uncontrollable. The teenagers years did a number on me, and as a result, on them too. Looking back, I wonder how they handled that situation. Were they ready for it?
The teenage years, which range from 13 to 19 years, is a time dreaded by a lot of parents. These years bring about a lot of confusion and upheaval in the house as adolescence and puberty usually happens around this time. Here, a lot of physical, psychological and intellectual growth tends to happen.
During this time, a teen will try to push their limit on almost everything. They are curious, want to assert independence, and are on a journey of self-exploration. Their interests and personalities change a great deal and a whole lot of things start to manifest. They are unruly; do not follow authority, and their behavior, especially towards their parents, dramatically changes.
Although it does not usually happen to all teenagers, but a good number will always end up being stubborn. Currently, in the wake of a pandemic, police brutality, racism and tribalism, teenage suicide etc., many parents fear for the wellbeing of their children, and rightfully so.
Therefore, as parents brace themselves with different ways to help their soon to be teens, they are still meted with fears that are simply hard to ignore.
These fears may include;
Adolescence
Most teenagers go through adolescence peacefully and without much pressure. But for others, it’s usually a tough time for both the teenager and parents as it comes with a lot of changes. Parents of pre-teens therefore dread this time as they do not know how the adolescent stage of their child will play out and if they will end up being troubled teens.
Too much freedom
How much freedom is too much freedom? Parents grow weary of the amount of freedom their teenagers need. During this time, a parent needs to ascertain the amount of freedom their children will need. They should have a clear plan on what they will and will not allow their children to do. For example, a parent will give a curfew for the time they will allow their children to be home by.
A parent is advised to be reasonable and give their child freedom to explore and grow but also tighten the reins on certain things.
A rebellious child
Generally, no one handles rebellion in a good way. Parents fear that their soon to be teenagers will end up being rebellious and uncontrollable. Parents never want to deal with insubordination, disrespect and disobedience. It therefore becomes a stressful time for them.
Fear of their safety
As the world continues to become depraved, the safety of their teens is a key concern to many parents. As teens struggle with identity and finding themselves, parents worry about the injustices that may befall their children. For example, parents are currently worrying about the safety of their rebellious teens in these Covid-19 times.
No control
When a parent feels like they can no longer be in control as they did in earlier years, fear and worry automatically sets in. They can no longer control their child’s interests, choices, and even friends. Parents fear their children may fall in bad company or make terrible decisions that may change the course of their lives.
Technology
Technology is constantly growing and we cannot live without it. Although great, it also has its shortcomings. The use of the internet and social media tends to be a great way to communicate and interact. But parents are usually weary of the dangers that it may bring on their teens. For example, children who struggle with identity, mental health and acceptance issues have a greater chance of having these problems amplified by succumbing to the pressures of trying to fit in and keep up based on what they see online.
Drugs and alcohol
Parents dread the teenage years because the child is in an experimental and fairly rebellious phase that they cannot always control. Teens tend to tryout alcohol, smoking and even drugs which if not dealt with, can lead to dependence and addiction problems. These problems are tough to correct as it entails a lot of work and time put into it.
Sexual encounters
Individuals often have their first sexual encounter in their teenage years. Here, they start to learn and explore their bodies and figure out their sexuality. Just like substance abuse, parents worry about the sexual lives of their children and the consequences e.g. teenage pregnancies and diseases, which come with it.
Peer pressure
For parents, it is hard to decipher whether their soon to be teens will succumb into good or bad pressure. E.g. a teen may be encouraged to participate in a sport or skip school by his peers. It is stressful for parents as most of these pressures are external and out of reach from their control. Teens can fall into positive or negative pressure and parents are constantly worried how it may play out.
Fear of missing out
Many parents fear that their teens will shut them out of their lives. As teens tend to be secretive and assert their privacy, parents fear they might not be able to know what’s going on in their child’s lives especially if they are going through a hard time.
Take away …
As parents prepare for the somewhat tough teenage years, they should ensure that they are well equipped with all the information that they need to handle whatever situation that may arise. A parent needs to realize that what the teen needs is helpful attention rather than protective attention. They should be encouraged that it is just a phase that they all have to pass through and that eventually, the teenagers will grow up to be cautious, compliant, respectful and responsible adults.
Do you have or have you dealt with soon to be adults? Let’s hear your say …