Moving on after Death or Divorce remains one of the hardest parts to deal with in life. One of the world’s most pleasant rewards can neither be touched nor seen it has to be felt and that is love. It is a beautiful thing and even sweeter when shared. We tend to associate it with emotional bliss and a happy ever after. But unlike the scripted tales in the movies, staying in love is the world most difficult job.
Generally speaking, not all love stories lead to marriage and neither do all marriages result to ‘and they lived happily ever after.’ Marriage itself is a tough cross to bear, at times deceit runs it down or nature just takes its course. In worse case scenarios death cuts it short. Like they say, life happens and when it does the very life must move on.
Moving on after Death or Divorce, however comes with hefty decision that might either make or break you. It’s actually much easier to fix a broken mirror than you’ll do a broken heart. Time they say is a healer and when it dims fit, you’ll surely be swept off your feet again. In most cases this transition comes easily and with no guilt at all but what happens when kids are involved.
Unlike the normal ideology, your child isn’t the most important person but rather you are. A happy parent equals a happy child and as much as you’d want to hang in there for them, do not forget that they will soon outgrow your laps, and that simply means their life is moving on while yours is stagnant based on self-denial.
With all measures put in place and finally feeling young again, how do you let the cat out of the bag?
- Foremost, make peace with yourself. Accept the outcome of the previous relationship and affirm within you that this is the transition you need.
- Be in tune with your action. Understand the reason you are doing this, be sure it’s purely out of love and not trying to fill a void.
- Do not be in a haste to introduce your romance partner; at least be sure you are at the final bus stop before making a move. Hasty decisions may cause anguish mostly if you do this a few more times also it saves you from being perceived as a wayward parent.
- Depending on age, introduce the topic in bits or rather question form, Seek to know what they think about you falling in love. Allow an interactive session and be as candid as can be. This will help prepare them psychologically and give you a hint of their opinion, not like it matters but it’s good to know.
- Treat your children to a special lunch out and invite your partner. Keep this meeting as brief as possible, a first encounter is very paramount and the longer the more risky. Remember no one loves a new face at the dining table, do not expect much.
- During the introductions, have it in mind that the guest is your love interest and not theirs, do not force affection. You probably moved a few mountains before getting the emotional attachment; therefore expect no miracle on the children. Love is patient and can never be coerced.
- Make an effort on spending more time with them, it could be as simple as having dinner together but that covers for lost time. Have an open mind to accommodate their frequent questions, and conversations that naturally will be based around your plans. Be sure to make them understand their position in your life.
- Channel a few more meetings either during events, over dinner or simply dropping by the house. Gradually they will ease up to having him/her around. Do not coerce them into loving Him/her, they could still be nursing ideas of you rekindling your broken relationship or still grieving.
- If both partners have children, make sure the first meetings are limited to one set of children. You can later organize for play dates, movies or any other suitable outing to allow bonding. Children are known to click faster than they do with adults. This can help them thaw.
- Have a second introduction only this time all parties involved should be present and make your decision openly known. Let the children know that your partners presence neither dims the love you have for them nor change your relationship with them. This will help them not feel resentful.
- Restrict sleep overs until officially engaged or married; you do not want to send the wrong message to the very people who have you as a role model.
- Just like your children, don’t expect your partner to fall in love and embrace your kids instantly. Love is developed.
- When the time is right to walk down the aisle, involve your kids in the planning. Explain what this means to you and allow them to share in your happiness. They may not have melted by now, but knowing their opinion and presence is important to you may catalyze it.
- Do not be ecstatically happy before them lest they feel unimportant.
Creating a blended family is not a walk in the park; trouble will shoot from all angels. On one hand you’ll feel misunderstood and on the other the children will feel awkward over having to share you. It is however in your hands to strike the balance and restore the lost happiness when you decide its time to strat moving on after Death or Divorce