Parenting is no walk in the park, it’s actually easier talking about parenting than implementing it. We tend to think we have all the skills to make this great, well that’s until we get there and realize it takes basically more than thoughts to actually do it right. The first step towards being a great parent should actually be self-love, you can never give what you do not have and you have to learn to manage your own emotion before you teach a child how to deal with theirs. It is for this reason that most of us look up to our mothers, borrowing a leaf from them means learning from the best with the hope of doing it right.
In my parenting journey, I implement a lot of takeaways got from my mother’s ‘school of parenting and it is actually working just fine. Here is how to become a better parent, straight from my mother’s knowledge book:
Do not compare and label
Every parent wants easy way of instilling good habits and discipline in their child, well this has no general formula, you can neither copy nor do it instantly. It takes a lot of nurturing and patience to get there, the trick is recognizing the best moments when your reaction is needed. Children have different developmental milestones and personalities; you cannot expect an extroverted child to behave in an introverted way because your friends’ child does so. Teach them how to regulate and not how to be someone else.
The same way you find it normal when your three-year-old has delayed speech so should you find it okay when your four-year-old fails at fine motor skills. Consider your child’s personality and not age also do not push but guide them to where you want them to be; that’s good parenting.
At times, we grant siblings a hard time loving each other when we take the lead on labeling. Like I said children are different, and you cannot keep on praising one before the other because he outshines in class work or co-curriculum activities. Instead, teach them how to aid each other and encourage the weak one to catch up while you work on getting his or her strong points for a better encouragement.
Also, your neighbor or best friend is not your parenting idol, do not compare your kids with hers, the journey may be slow, but you will get there. Find the right measures, and implement them consistently for better results. Your children can be anything you want them to be, but only if you impact the right knowledge and believe in them.
Walk the Talk
When children step out on play dates and assume the role of ‘mom and dad ’, they are always trying to emulate you. You will realize that 80% of the things they do is a mirror image of your doings or reactions, this makes us understand that kids learn faster by observing. Your parental behavior is more powerful than words, you are always teaching your child a thing or two every single day weather intentional or not.
Discipline is instilled and not taught, it’s more of a reflection of your actions than the theoretical knowledge, and they will grasp the words and actions off you. Encourage them to always use the magic words and act in your desired manner but do it gently without whining, most importantly make sure you practice what you preach.
Be open to mistakes
You are raising a child and not a genius and before you think of them as one remember, you aren’t one either. Guide them through what’s best for them but with room for adjustments, we learn best from our mistakes and you shouldn’t take that so hard. Again it’s not all the time that we wait to reprimand after a mistake, at times talk them out of their actions to prevent accidents , but while at it offer a deserving explanation as to why the action should be aborted.
At a very basic level, mistakes help them understand the causes and effects of their actions, express your disappointment to send a message but not for too long lest you drive them away.
Watch from a distance
Sometimes kids identify their creativity sides, and build personal identities when left loose. They feel the zeal to self-direct their activities when no one is watching and most of these self-taught activities eventually turn into great talents. Not everyone blossoms under watch and scrutiny, allow your children some breathing space to explore, learn, unlearn and develop their hobbies. Every human being follows their dreams when granted an opportunity, also siblings learn to respect and appreciate each other’s company when all they have to fall back on is themselves. While at it, do not ignore your motherly instincts, some activities are dangerous and must be either stopped or guided.
Do not use food as a consolation prize
Funny how many parents work on their best recipes to console their children after a wrong act. A mother may fail to fulfill a promise and the next thing is KFC delivery, food is not a consolation prize. When you use food to cover for your mistakes or console them when they get hurt then sooner or later the meaning will be misplaced.
Even the youngest in the house will begin to equate comfort with the milk bottle, which always comes out after a cry. It’s okay to bend the rules a little, but it becomes a misplaced priority when you consistently attaching a treat to a deal.
Embrace change when it comes
As children grow so do their preferences change, this may include food, clothes, and everyday activities. It’s really nothing to worry about, but rather a discovery stage that sees them fitting into their own space and personalities. Just learn to move with the trend peacefully without hiccups.
In our most recent sit down my mom said to me “I was a daughter first before becoming a mother, and so were you, but that doesn’t mean I know all your needs. Time is evolving and preferences change, having a close relationship with your children helps you understand their deepest thoughts without a word from them.” I learned the importance of having a relationship with my children and I love it because I am able to be in the same head space with them. But even at that I never want to forget that I am a mother first then a friend second.